


it beats for you so listen close

by heartsighed



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Radio, M/M, Secret Identity, kun's love for jay chou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-02 02:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15787338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsighed/pseuds/heartsighed
Summary: In which Johnny moonlights as Y, one half of the mysterious duo that runs the most popular radio program on campus, and Kun moonlights as Twitter userzhoujielunshusband96, dedicated Jay Chou fanboy.





	it beats for you so listen close

**Author's Note:**

> uhh not sure how i feel about this, but here is my first stab at johnkun. the title's from gym class heroes and i'm not sure how widely know this is outside china/taiwan, but zhou jielun = jay chou.
> 
> warnings: mentions of drinking (all legal)

_DanDan (4:32 pm): i don’t know, it just seems a little pretentious. like, do you really need the text to be in seven different colors? and you never figure out why the colors are even there!!_

Johnny grins down at his phone, laughing as silently as possible. He looks up as Doyoung elbows him in the side, hard.

“Are you even paying attention? I have to leave soon.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says distractedly, thumbs hovering over his keyboard as he formulates a reply.

“Then what was I saying earlier?” Doyoung demands.

“You can’t decide between the blue or white candles for your anniversary dinner, you no longer own two of the same plate because Mark shattered those nice flowery ones you got off free and for sale last year, and Taeyong doesn’t have time to come over and teach you how to do that lemon chicken recipe Jaehyun liked the last time he came over,” Johnny rattles off obediently.

“Wrong!” Doyoung slams his hand on the table, and Johnny swallows back a sigh. “Kun already agreed to show me how to make dumplings on Tuesday, so I don’t need the chicken anymore. We’ve moved on to the more bigger and more urgent problems like what the _fuck_ I’m going to make for dessert.”

“Jaehyun would probably eat raw cake batter if you served it to him,” Johnny points out. “I’ve seen him eat ramen dry out of the packet three separate times this week. I don’t think he’s going to be particularly picky.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes and begins to pack up his books. “Don’t be stupid. It’s all about the _atmosphere_. Ramen’s good for every day, but does it put him in the mood to fuck me afterwards?”

“Probably yes, actually,” Johnny tries to say, but it’s drowned out as Doyoung continues.

“Which is _precisely_ why I’m going to have to ask you for your mom’s brownie recipe. You can come by on Tuesday when Kun’s here to show me how to make them.” He waves dismissively towards Johnny’s phone. “Okay, you can continue texting your online boyfriend now.”

“He is _not_ —”

“I have class now, gotta go,” Doyoung zips up his back and slings it over his shoulder, waving as he leaves. “See you Tuesday, hyung!”

Johnny sighs and opens his phone again to draft a response.

_Y (4:52 pm): u have to admit it’s exciting, even if you never figure out exactly why they change color. It’s like an adventure, u know? although u know which words are which color, u still get excited every time u see a new one and before u know it, ur on the lookout for all the others._

_DanDan (4:54 pm): fair…_

_DanDan (4:55 pm): still, it seems excessive. i think i liked house of leaves more._

_Y (4:56 pm): house of leaves is my favorite, too. it was much easier to read. I’m glad you liked it._

_DanDan (4:58 pm): of course i did!! i can always trust your taste ^^_

_Y (4:59 pm): ♡_

_DanDan (4:59 pm): ♡_

 

On Tuesday, Johnny shows up to Doyoung’s place ten minutes early, only to find someone already sitting on the doormat, hunched over a book. When he looks closer, he recognizes the nut-brown hair, neatly brushed and parted just a little off-center.

Kun looks up and gives him a polite smile. “Good morning, hyung.”

“Is Doyoung not at home?”

Kun shakes his head. “He’s on his way back from class.”

“Ah, okay.”

After a pause, Johnny settles down on the floor across from Kun, and they lapse into silence. It’s just a teeny bit awkward, but not enough for Johnny to actually feel uncomfortable. He fiddles with his keys for lack of anything else to do, and Kun goes back to reading.

Johnny clears his throat after a few minutes. “What are you reading?”

Kun startles a little, looking up. “Sorry, what?”

“What book?” Johnny points.

“ _The Spiderwick Chronicles_.” Kun flips the book up so Johnny can see the cover.

“Oh, hey, I love that series!” Johnny grins. “It was my favorite growing up.”

“A friend recommended them to me,” Kun smiles. “I’m reading it in Chinese, though.”

“I didn’t know they had a Chinese version,” Johnny says, getting up for a closer look at the text.

Ten minutes later, when Doyoung finally shows up, he finds Kun and Johnny bent over Kun’s phone, watching the 2008 film trailer intently.

“Sorry, class ran late,” he says breathlessly as he unlocks the door to let them in. “Did you wait long?”

Johnny shakes his head and looks at Kun with a smile. “That’s okay. I was in good company.”

Kun’s dumpling recipe is delicious, to say the least. Johnny snags at least five before Doyoung slaps his hand away. In the end, Kun packs him a few to take with him when he leaves.

“You can give my Tupperware to Ten when you’re done,” he tells Johnny.

“Oh, that’s alright, I can bring it over to your place,” Johnny says, but Kun is insistent that he give it to Ten.

“I’m sure I’ll see him in the next few days,” he says firmly, “I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you, hyung.”

Kun ends up leaving first for class once the dumpling are all cooked and packaged and Doyoung is satisfied with the level of detail written into the recipe.

“Do you hang out with Kun a lot, hyung?” Doyoung asks as they clean out baking pans to hold the brownie mix.

“Not really,” Johnny says. “He’s always with Ten when I see him.”

“That’s weird,” Doyoung muses, scrubbing at a particularly stubborn stain, “You’ve known each other for so long.”

“Yeah,” Johnny says. “Weird.”

 

\--

 

Midway through Johnny’s junior year, he and Jaehyun get approved for their own program on the campus radio, with a format split between talk and music. They don’t tell any of their friends about _Night Night_ —they figure they’ll tell them when they’re a few weeks in, as a funny surprise.

Johnny never anticipates for it to blow up as quickly as it does, the identities of J and Y quickly becoming one of the most talked-about mysteries on campus. In particular, their biweekly segments on different genres of music, popular in both Korea and abroad, is well-received by the student body. Their Twitter page peaks at four thousand followers, with hundreds of song requests every night.

“Did you hear about the new campus radio show?” Taeil asks Johnny when he gets home once, and Johnny almost trips over his laundry basket.

About one month in, Johnny starts to notice a pattern in their Twitter replies. Every week, he makes the same tweet (“Tell us what songs you’d like to hear tonight!”) and waits for the replies to fill, taking note of the popular requests.

There’s one particular username that pops up incessantly every week.

“Hey, do you know who Zhou,” Johnny squints at his phone screen, “Zhou Jielun is?”

“What did you say?” Jaehyun frowns.

“Fuck, I don’t know how to pronounce his name,” Johnny says. “But this one guy’s tweeted like thirty requests by this artist.”

“Block him if he’s spamming, then.”

“No, no, it’s not spam,” Johnny scrolls down. “He’s actually requesting different songs.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “Have we played any of them?”

“I don’t know,” Johnny opens a browser window. “Oh wait, I know the singer. It’s Jay Chou.”

“The Taiwanese singer? He’s got a lot of famous ballads. They don’t really fit in with our style, though.”

Johnny sighs. “I feel so bad. We haven’t played a single song he’s requested.”

“You know there are hundreds of requests every week, right?” Jaehyun tells him. “We can’t ever play them all.”

In the end, because Johnny’s soft, he listens to _zhoujielunshusband96_ ’s requests on his own. He’s instantly sucked in.

He downloads _Fantasy_ on his phone and listens to it while he’s at the gym, doing homework, making dinner—he even sings along in garbled Chinese in the shower until Yuta’s pleading with him to “just stop, please, just shut up and sing something else.”

It takes a bit of begging, but he manages to get C-pop ballads on the list of potential topics for their biweekly corner and when it finally becomes a reality, he gets put in charge of compiling the playlist. He sits for hours on his laptop sifting through playlists on Spotify and searching for the perfect set, until Seulgi sends him a very passive-aggressive email that if he doesn’t submit the list by midnight that night, they’re going to cut the segment and go with African heavy metal, which was originally slotted for the week after.

With only three hours left on the clock and a very short list of Chinese pop ballad connoisseurs at his disposal, he does the only thing he can really think of and desperately opens a new DM from his private Twitter.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

 

\--

 

Back in January, when Doyoung and Jaehyun finally moved in together, there was a reshuffling of roommates as the rest of their old households scrambled to find new tenants before the next month’s rent payment hit. In the end, Taeil and Yuta found a studio apartment half an hour away and booted Johnny to Doyoung’s old room.

It’s not that Johnny really cared that they moved into a new place without him—he was the first to offer to find somewhere else, and he was more than excited to room with Ten. The only thing that changed was that Johnny regularly saw all of Ten’s friends, even the ones that he didn’t really know.

When they lived together, Ten, Taeyong, and Doyoung had a longstanding tradition of movie nights on Thursdays. Even though Doyoung can’t make Thursday nights anymore, Taeyong and Ten are adamant about continuing the tradition without him, and it doesn’t take much persuading for Johnny to join them.

They technically live in a one-bedroom apartment, but Taeyong’s always been in the living room, his space sectioned off from the rest of the place with a neatly-pinned floral curtain. He only lets Ten and Johnny eat on his bed on movie nights because he washes his sheets and vacuums right after.

On this particular night, they’re settled down in front of Taeyong’s laptop waiting for a stream of _Princess Mononoke_ to load when there’s a knock on the door.

“It’s Kun,” Ten says, tapping at his phone. “Can someone go get it?”

“You could get up and get it yourself,” Johnny points out.

“But I’m lazy.”

Johnny looks over at Taeyong, who’s still frowning at something on his screen.

“Come on, hyung,” Ten nudges him with his foot. “Don’t want to keep Kun waiting, do you?”

Johnny sighs and gets up.

Outside, Kun is waiting patiently, his hands stuffed in his pockets and nose slightly red from the cold night air. He glances up as Johnny opens the door.

“Good evening, hyung,” he says. “Is Ten inside?”

Johnny nods, opening the door further and stepping to the side so that Kun can walk in.

“Oh, is movie night starting already?” Kun says when he sees Taeyong and Ten lounging on the bed.

Ten finally jumps to his feet, stretching and padding into his and Johnny’s room to retrieve whatever he’s meant to return to Kun.

“It’s _Princess Mononoke_ ,” he says when he comes back out, “Wanna join?”

He looks at Johnny, who quickly nods. “The more the merrier.”

“That’s okay, I have to tutor Xuxi after this,” Kun says, eyes darting briefly towards Johnny.

Ten snorts, and Taeyong pouts.

“Maybe next time,” he tells Ten, giving Johnny a tight smile.

Kun’s gone soon after that, only sticking around to help Taeyong fiddle with the video player until it works. He waves as he leaves, and Johnny barely manages to squeeze in a “bye” in reply before he’s out the door.

“Is it just me or does Kun seem uncomfortable around me?” Johnny says aloud, still staring at the door.

Ten ignores him, but Taeyong hums. “A little, I guess?”

“But it’s not my imagination, right? He looked uncomfortable?”

Taeyong shrugs. “Maybe he just doesn’t know you very well?”

“Maybe you’re just overthinking,” Ten snipes, and then the movie’s starting and Ten’s shoving Johnny back onto the bed so he won’t miss the beginning, and he forgets about Kun for a little while.

 

\--

 

Xiao Dan—also known as Dan Dan, or _zhoujielunshusband96_ —turns out to have a lot to say on topics other than Mandopop, and Johnny finds himself messaging him regularly, first over Twitter DMs and then over text, long after the radio segment is over.

He finds that Xiao Dan is a psychology major living on the north side of campus with two roommates and a cat. He cooks when he’s stressed and reads when he’s relaxed, and he misses his two dogs in China more than anything in the world.

When he’s tired and sad, he tends to type more emojis and when he’s happy or excited, he uses more exclamation points. Johnny’s never met someone so unerringly polite, but Xiao Dan makes a point of greeting him in the mornings and listening to him talk about his day in the evenings, remembering to bring up the events and people that Johnny told him about months ago.

They swap book recommendations and share new music with each other. It gets to the point where all of his friends know about his anonymous pen pal, and Johnny doesn’t even care when Ten teases him for keeping an English version of _The Three-Body Problem_ in his bag to read and then re-read, because one time wasn’t enough.

 _you’re one of the kindest people i’ve ever met. i don’t know what you look like, but it’s easy to trust you_ , Xiao Dan tells Johnny one night, after they’ve stayed up together until three in the morning to talk about homesickness. He’d just finished a particularly painful video call with his parents and maybe it’s the both emotional and physical fatigue that pushes him to profess such a thing, but it feels so real.

Johnny falls just a little in love.

 

\--

 

It’s not that Johnny doesn’t like Kun. They’ve known each other for years, orbiting the same group of friends, but Johnny’s always thought of Kun as Ten’s friend first and foremost, and he realizes now that after all these years, they never quite got close enough to be friends with each other.

“If it bothers you so much, then go talk to him,” Taeyong says, waving a hand. “Kun’s a friendly guy, you’re a friendly guy—you should get along just fine.”

It’s true, except now that Johnny’s paying attention, it feels like Kun’s avoiding him all the time. He’s never rude or anything, but he definitely maintains a polite distance whenever he comes to visit Ten in their apartment or runs into Johnny on campus.

In the end, before he can really do anything about it, he finds himself sitting in a booth at Ten’s favorite milk tea place, awkwardly chewing boba as Ten and Kun chat about the movie they finished right before running into him outside the theater.

“Hyung, are you still talking with that Twitter guy?” Ten says, effectively cutting off Johnny’s daydreaming. Kun looks a little startled at the sudden change of topic.

“Yeah,” Johnny says slowly. “Why?”

Ten shrugs. “Didn’t think you’d keep it up for so long.” He turns to Kun, who’s looking down at his lap. “Johnny-hyung met this random guy on Twitter and now he won’t shut up about him.”

“I don’t talk about him all the time,” Johnny protests.

“You talked to Taeyong-hyung for two hours about that book he told you to read last week, and I can tell from just your expression when you’re messaging him. Trust me, you never shut up about him.”

“We just talk a lot,” Johnny says defensively.

Ten rolls his eyes. “I didn’t think you’d be this kind of person, hyung. Flirting so much with a married man—you should be ashamed.”

Kun chokes on his milk tea, spitting up pearls as he coughs into his hand.

Johnny scrambles to get a handful of napkins as Ten laughs unhelpfully. Kun accepts them with a bright flush and a mumbled thank you, protesting feebly when Johnny grabs another handful to help him mop up the mess.

“Your friend is married?” Kun says after Johnny dumps the napkins in the trash.

“Ten’s joking,” Johnny sighs. “He uses his email to message me, and he’s a fan of Zhou Jielun. A _big_ fan.”

“Zhou Jielun,” Kun says, correcting Johnny’s butchered pronunciation.

“Oh, you know him?” Johnny perks up.

“Jay Chou, right?” Kun smiles. “I mean, he’s incredibly famous in China and Taiwan.”

“So you’re a fan, then?”

Ten starts laughing again, and Kun hits him lightly on the shoulder.

“I do like his music,” Kun says a bit sheepishly. “So yes, you could say I’m a fan.”

“Really,” Johnny leans forward, “What’s your favorite album by him?”

“Oh, there are so many,” Kun starts, looking hesitant.

“You must have a favorite, though,” Johnny insists. “Or like, a top two?”

“Well, ‘Blue and White Porcelain’ is a classic,” Kun sighs, looking a bit guilty, “but frankly, my favorite album overall is _November’s Chopin_. I’ve always had a soft spot for ballads.”

“Jungwoo told me he sings them all the time when he’s in the shower,” Ten pipes up.

Kun groans, but Johnny nods sagely. “Good acoustics in there.”

Ten has to leave soon after, and Johnny offers to wait with Kun until his ride comes. They pass the time in silence and Johnny stuffs his hands in his pockets, watching as Kun taps around on his phone, messaging Jungwoo his location.

“It was nice talking to you,” Johnny says when Jungwoo finally arrives.

Kun blinks up at him, his expression inscrutable for a moment before he smiles, genuine and wide. “Yes, I had a good time, too.”

As he watches Jungwoo pull out of the parking lot, it strikes Johnny that Kun is a very hard person to read.

 

\--

 

Ever since they started talking, Johnny’s never gone more than three days without messaging Xiao Dan, with the exception of one time.

In November, Johnny and Jaehyun make a mutual decision to go public with their identities. The day of the announcement, Johnny walks into the studio shaking with nerves, and he can barely keep a grip on the coffee that Seulgi hands him along with his script.

He opens his phone twenty minutes before the start of the show and pulls up his messages because he can’t help himself.

_Y (8:41 pm): hey, are u there?_

_DanDan (8:41 pm): yes, is something wrong?_

_Y (8: 42 pm): I’m a little scared_

_DanDan (8:42 pm): are you ok?? where are you? do you have someone with you that you trust?_

_Y (8:42 pm): I’m safe!! sorry, didn’t mean to worry u. I’m just. abt to do something really scary_

_DanDan (8:43 pm): isn’t nnn about to start? what are you going to do?_

_Y (8:43 pm): I uh_

_Y (8:43 pm): I dont know if I can tell u rn_

_DanDan (8:45 pm): that’s ok!! is there anything i can do to help? do you want to talk about it or do you want a distraction?_

_Y (8:45 pm): I dont know_

_Y (8:45 pm): no actually_

_Y (8:45 pm): ill talk. just. give me a second_

_DanDan (8:46 pm): ok!! take your time!! i’m here anytime you’re ready_

_Y (8:48 pm): I’m really scared to do this thing because, well. I’m scared of what people are going to think of me afterwards. I guess I’m just scared of how everyone’s going to react_

_Y (8:48 pm): idk sorry that was kind of a lot_

_DanDan (8:52 pm): it’s perfectly valid for you to feel that way!! big changes are always scary, but i also know that you’re one of the most level-headed, rational people i’ve ever met. if you think this change is what you need in your life, i know that you have the courage to do whatever it is that you need to do. and if it doesn’t work out, please know that you’ll always have someone to talk to here._

_DanDan (8:53 pm): sorry was that overstepping? you don’t even know what i look like_

_Y (8:54 pm): no, u werent overstepping at all. it was just what I needed. thank you._

_DanDan (8:55 pm): of course^^ i’ll always be here for you._

“We’re on in five minutes,” Jaehyun says, nudging him with his foot. “You done?”

“Yeah,” Johnny takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He gives Jaehyun his best attempt at a smile. “Just a second.”

_Y (8:56 pm): ♡_

_DanDan (8:56 pm): ♡_

“Okay,” Johnny pockets his phone, “Let’s do this.”

The show goes smoothly, even though Johnny makes through most of it on autopilot, letting experience and instinct take over. At the end of the show, as the intro of the last song starts to play, Johnny locks eyes with Jaehyun and nods.

“We wish you all a good night’s sleep,” Jaehyun says, honey-sweet, “As always, this has been Jung Jaehyun and—”

“—Seo Youngho on NCT Night Night!” Johnny finishes.

It feels like a dream when they walk out, and Johnny’s blood is still rushing through his ears as he pulls out his phone to check his notifications. He scrolls past messages from Taeyong, Mark, Doyoung, Donghyuck, and Ten, until he sees the username that he’s looking for.

_DanDan (9:58 pm): you’re johnny seo?_

Johnny bites his lip, only hesitating for a moment before he replies.

_Y (10:04 pm): yeah. is that ok?_

He doesn’t get a response until five days later.

 

\--

_Y (6:32 pm): so…do I know who u are?_

_DanDan (6:35 pm): …yes_

_Y (6:35 pm): is there a reason u dont want to tell me who u are_

_DanDan (6:36 pm): yes_

_Y (6:37 pm): do u hate me?_

_DanDan (6:37 pm): no!!_

_DanDan (6:37 pm): no, of course not._

_Y (6:38 pm): I’m sorry, I dont mean to pressure u into telling me or anything_

_DanDan (7:01 pm): it’s not your fault. i’m just not ready, i guess_

_DanDan (7:02 pm): i care about you, though. that’s not a lie. i just want you to like me back_

_Y (7:03 pm): I dont think it would be possible for me to ever not like u_

_Y (7:10 pm): dan dan?_

_DanDan (7:13 pm): sorry, i’m a little busy right now_

_Y (7:14 pm): oh. sorry, did I catch u at a bad time?_

_DanDan (7:15 pm): yeah, sorry. i have to go._

_Y (7:15 pm): ok. talk to u later?_

_DanDan (7:16 pm): of course_

_Y (7:17 pm): ♡_

_DanDan (7:23 pm): ♡_

 

Johnny wants to say that it’s just his imagination, but it feels like Xiao Dan is pulling away. It starts out with shorter responses, and then longer pauses in the middle of conversations, until sometimes he sends something and Xiao Dan doesn’t even look at it until the next day.

Johnny knows, logically, that Xiao Dan is a person with his own life and he doesn’t exist just to talk to Johnny 24/7, but there’s a part of him that pinches just a little bit tighter every time he picks up his phone and sets it back down because he’s scared that this will be the time that Xiao Dan really stops talking to him.

He asks Ten, because Ten is one of his oldest friends and also he’s not afraid to cut to the point. In times like these, Johnny appreciates his bluntness.

“I think I’m in love with him,” he admits, lying on his back on Ten’s bed even though his own is only five feet away. “And he thinks I won’t _like_ him when I find out who he is.”

“Then tell him,” Ten says like it’s the easiest thing in the world. The hardness in his eyes contradicts the lightness of the words. “Put yourself out there. He clearly thinks he’s not worth enough to become a real, physical part of your life. This is your chance to let him know how important he is to you.”

Johnny’s gut churns and he swallows down the nausea building in his throat. He trusts Ten, though, so he nods. “Okay.”

Ten’s eyes finally soften, and he smiles. “Okay. You know I just want you to be happy, right hyung?”

“I know,” Johnny says and ruffles his hair until he yelps, pulling away.

 

_Y (10:32 pm): hey_

_Y (10:32 pm): I have something to tell u_

_DanDan (10:34 pm): ? are you ok?_

_Y (10:35 pm): yes!! sorry, I’m a little nervous_

_DanDan (10:36 pm): are you about to do something big again_

_Y (10:37 pm): no_

_Y (10:37 pm): well, yes, but not in the same way as last time_

_DanDan (10:38 pm): do you want to talk about it?_

_Y (10:39 pm): yes. can u do me a favor? can u wait until I’m done before u reply?_

_DanDan (10:40 pm): of course. take your time._

_Y (10:40 pm): ok so_

_Y (10:44 pm): ok so I was talking to someone the other day and I realized that I dont tell u enough how important u are to me_

_Y (10:47 pm): ur such a big part of my life, and I know weve only been talking to each other for a few months, but it feels like I cant even remember anymore what it was like before u were here_

_Y (10:48 pm): I could keep going for hours, but I just really need to tell u_

_Y (10:49 pm): shit uh_

_Y (10:51 pm): the point is that I’m in love with you_

_Y (10:53 pm): I dont know ur real name or what u look like but I’ve fallen for u anyway, and I just need u to know that ur not just some guy that I text sometimes when I’m bored. ur worth so much more to me, and I couldnt just let u keep thinking that u arent one of the most important people in my life._

_Y (10:54 pm): uh ok I’m done u can reply now_

_DanDan (10:55 pm): fuck_

_Y (10:56 pm): is that good or bad?_

_DanDan (10:56 pm): i’m sorry_

_DanDan (10:56 pm): i don’t think i can do this anymore_

_Y (10:57 pm): what do u mean?_

_DanDan (10:58 pm): i’m so sorry_

_Y (10:58 pm): wait what do u mean???_

_Y (11:01 pm): hello??_

_Y (11:07 pm): dan dan???_

 

\--

 

Johnny mopes for two weeks and lets Taeyong coddle him with ice cream and cuddles before Ten gets fed up with him and kicks him out of the apartment. He returns to a normal schedule, going to classes during the day and the radio station at night for work. On Friday nights, he lets Ten drag him out for dinner with friends, parties, the movies, anything to keep him busy.

This particular Friday, Johnny finds himself in some stranger’s house, long abandoned by Ten and Taeyong.  Well, he knows that they’re somewhere in the living room, but he’s not really interested in venturing out of the kitchen to go find them.

Eventually, he’s forced to leave for a brief bathroom break and when he comes back, he sees a familiar figure leaning against the sink, sipping absently from a cup of water.

It’s been almost a month since Kun’s come over to the apartment, and Johnny’s ashamed to admit that he hasn’t thought about him much in that time, given everything else that’s been going on. He puts on a friendly smile because Kun doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of a shit conversation just because Johnny’s life is a mess.

“Hey, it’s been a while,” he says, sitting on the counter so that there’s a good foot of space between them.

Kun stares up at him with wide eyes, just a little glassy with alcohol. It’s the first time Johnny’s seen Kun look so open and vulnerable. Frankly, it’s a little worrying.

“Kun? Are you okay? It’s Johnny. Ten’s roommate?”

Kun frowns at his feet. “Hyung, I know who you are.”

“Oh,” Johnny says, feeling a little stupid. “Are you here by yourself?”

Kun shakes his head. “I came with Sicheng, but he went to get food with Taeil-hyung and I don’t think he’s coming back.” He looks up at Johnny. “What about you?”

“I came with Ten and some of his other friends.”

“Oh.” Kun chews on his lip.

“You didn’t know?” Johnny guesses.

Kun nods.

“You haven’t been by the apartment lately. Is something going on with Ten?”

“We had a fight,” Kun admits. “I haven’t apologized to him yet.”

“I’m sorry,” Johnny says honestly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Kun shrugs, even though his expression says the exact opposite. “I was being stupid.”

“Have you two spoken since then?”

Kun shakes his head.

“He’s still here right now,” Johnny says, and Kun tenses up. “I’m not going to make you talk to him or anything,” he adds quickly. “I was just going to ask if you were going to be okay.”

Kun looks down at his drink, chewing on his lip. He frowns, and his eyebrows knit together. “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him.”

“Do you want to leave, then?” Johnny offers. Kun looks up at him in surprise. “I can walk you home, no questions asked.”

“You don’t have to go to the trouble,” Kun starts, and Johnny shakes his head firmly.

“You’ve been here what, a few hours? How many drinks have you had?” Johnny tilts his head when Kun doesn’t answer. “I wouldn’t feel good sending you home by yourself. I can get someone else you would feel safer with, if you want.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Kun shakes his head. “It’s okay, I’ll go with you. Thank you.”

Johnny smiles. “It’s no problem.”

He texts Ten a quick heads-up not to wait for him and waits for Kun to go to the bathroom before they leave. Outside, the air is cold enough that Johnny can see his breath if he exhales hard. He shivers, and Kun looks up at him.

“Are you cold?”

“A little,” Johnny admits. His sweatshirt was fine earlier in the evening, but in the few hours that the temperature’s dropped, he regrets not bringing a thicker jacket to layer over it.

Kun, on the other hand, is wearing a heavy-looking bomber and a thick scarf. He looks a little stiff, like he’s been bundled into too many layers. It’s cute.

“Here,” Kun digs around in his pocket and holds up two hot packs.

“Are you sure?” Johnny says, hesitating.

“I have more,” Kun holds up another two from his other pocket.

“You came prepared,” Johnny laughs. He accepts the hot packs, sighing in relief as the instant warmth seeps into his hands.

The rest of the walk home isn’t as awkward as Johnny was expecting. They fall into a casual conversation that’s surprisingly comfortable. Johnny finds himself telling Kun about his classes and how the radio show’s been doing lately, and Kun tells him about his most recent trip to China to visit his family.

They walk all the way up to Kun front door, and Johnny stands around as Kun fiddles with the keys.

“Thank you for walking me home,” he says when he’s finally got the key in the lock, pushing open the door. Instead of walking all the way inside, he lingers in the doorway, leaning against the jamb.

“It really wasn’t any trouble,” Johnny says, but Kun shakes his head.

“You’re Ten’s friend, and you really didn’t even have to tell me that he was there.”

“He cares a lot about you,” Johnny says. “He sees you the most aside from the people that he lives with. You’re probably his best friend. Disagreements happen and it’s okay to take your time before you talk. Just don't let this fester between you two for too long.”

Kun takes a deep breath. “Thank you, hyung.” He looks up at Johnny, his expression his inscrutable. “I had a really nice time talking to you.”

Johnny can feel his face turn warm at the sudden compliment. “I’m glad I could help.”

“You’re a very special person,” Kun says softly. “Probably one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. We barely know each other, but it feels like I can trust you.”

There’s something about the words that prod at Johnny’s brain, but all he can do is blink and stand in the doorway, looking down at Kun.

After a moment, Kun offers him a small smile. “I’ll see you around, hyung.”

He closes the door before Johnny can reply.

 

\--

 

There’s a conversation that Johnny comes back to a lot that they had back in June, back when he was still Y, the anonymous campus radio DJ.

Maybe it was the exhaustion of pulling two all-nighters in a row for a paper that lowered his inhibitions that night, but he'd scrolled through his phone while drowsing in bed instead of going straight to sleep, pulling up the most-frequented contact in his texts.

_Y (12:53 am): have u ever been in love?_

_DanDan (12:55 am): i don’t think so, why?_

_Y (12:56 am): idk…_

_Y (12:56 am): I was reading a book,,, whta was it again???_

_DanDan (12:57 am): are you drunk?_

_Y (12:58 am): no, just tired_

_Y (12:59 am): I dont remember, it’s not importnat_

_Y (1:00 am): anyway, do u believe in love?_

_DanDan (1:01 am): you mean, whether or not it exists?_

_Y (1:02 am): yeah_

_DanDan (1:03 am): why?_

_Y (1:04 am): I dont know_

_Y (1:05 am): no, I remember_

_Y (1:05 am): I saw this thing online_

_DanDan (1:06 am): wasn’t it a book?_

_Y (1:07 am): oh yeah, it was a book_

_DanDan (1:07 am): are you sure you shouldn’t be going to sleep right now?_

_Y (1:08 am): haha I probably should_

_Y (1:08 am): but first I saw this thing in this book_

_Y (1:09 am): and it was like a lot of people wouldn’t fall in love if they didnt know what love was_

_Y (): like the media just forces us to feel like we have to fall in love and when we cant find it we project it onto the nearest person anyway because its what everyone else does_

_Y (1:11 am): and that made me a little sad, u know?? that maybe love doesnt exist in real life and were just making ourselves feel what we think we should feel towards someone_

_DanDan (11:13 am): wow that’s edgy_

_Y (11:14 am): haha ok but seriously_

_Y (11:14 am): do u believe that love exists_

_DanDan (11:15 am): yes_

_DanDan (11:18 am): plenty of people fall in love without knowing it every day. even if they can’t name what it is, i still believe that the emotion is there. just because some people mistake platonic feelings for love doesn’t mean that others don’t experience it for real._

_Y (11:20 am): I see. What do you think real love feels like, then?_

_DanDan (11:22 am): i don’t know_

_DanDan (11:22 am): strong affection?_

_DanDan (11:22 am): familiarity?_

_DanDan (11:22 am): trust_

_DanDan (11:34 am): probably more, but idk really. it’s not like i’ve fallen in love before._

_Y (11:24 am): I see_

_DanDan (11:24 am): is that all_

_Y (11:25 am): what?_

_DanDan (11:25 am): is that all you wanted to ask? because you really should go to bed._

_Y (11:25 am): yeah, pretty much_

_DanDan (11:25 am): ok. are you sure you’re ok?_

_Y (11:26 am): yeah, why?_

_DanDan (11:27 am): you’re usually much more of a romantic. it’s rare that you get this emo._

_Y (11:28 am): idk, I guess I’m just really tired. And I havent properly responded to u in days. I guess I just missed talking with u_

_DanDan (11:28 am): oh_

_Y (11:29 am): sorry, it’s kind of late. I wont keep u up any longer_

_DanDan (11:29 am): not at all. i missed talking to you too. good night!! rest well~_

_Y (11:29 am): good night_

_DanDan (11:30 am): ♡_

_Y (11:30 am): ♡_

 

\--

 

For days, it feels like Johnny’s in limbo as he mulls over the words, that look, Kun’s _eyes_. He takes the hot packs out of his sweatshirt and sets them on his desk and when they’re completely cooled down, he leaves them there because he can’t really bring himself to throw them away.

It’s nearly a week later that he finds himself alone in the kitchen with Ten, both of them sleepily sipping at mugs of coffee and scrolling through their phones.

“Hey,” Johnny says, deliberately casually, even though he knows Ten will see through him in a second. “Are you still fighting with Kun?”

Ten stares at him for a long time with the strangest expression, as if he’s watching Johnny sprout a second head from his neck. Finally, when it feels like Johnny’s about to crack, a slow understanding begins to dawn on Ten’s face.

“No,” he says, taking another sip of his coffee. “We talked about it two nights ago. We’re all good now.”

Another three days pass before Johnny catches sight of Kun on campus, across the glade. He looks the same as he always looks, but this time Johnny lets himself _see_. There, that dimple when he smiles, the mole just above his right eye. His thick brows and soft-looking hair and straight teeth. It’s a clear day, and the way that the sunlight lights up his whole face—bright and vibrant—imprints itself into Johnny’s mind with the clarity of a photograph.

Johnny takes out his phone, heart thundering in his chest.

_Y (12:02 pm): look up_

Kun’s head snaps up, and it feels like all the oxygen is sucked out of the air when they lock eyes and a flush builds high on Kun’s cheeks. Johnny forces himself to walk across the grass, even though all he wants to do is run, and Kun watches him until they’re close enough to hear each other.

“Hey,” Johnny says.

“Hyung,” Kun replies.

Johnny licks his lips nervously, trying not to think too hard about the way that Kun is staring at him, looking both apprehensive and hopeful.

“So,” he starts, “ _zhoujielunshusband96_?”

Kun grimaces. “Why would you use that name when you could have just called me Dan Dan?” he complains.

“So it is you.” Johnny can feel a smile grow on his face. It’s not like he didn’t know, but it feels that much more real to hear it from Kun’s mouth as he’s standing here in front of him.

“It’s me,” Kun admits. He looks up, hesitant and just a little bit shy. It’s endearing, to say the least. “Are you disappointed?”

“Are you kidding?” Johnny is taken aback. “Why would I be disappointed?”

“Well, you’ve known me for a while,” Kun says. “I didn’t know if you would think it was weird that your anonymous song requester was someone you knew all along.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me?”

“Well, not in the beginning,” Kun says sheepishly. “At first, I was just embarrassed to be such a big fan of Jay Chou.”

Johnny throws his head back and laughs loudly.

“After we started talking and I found out who you were, though, I kept putting off telling you because, well,” Kun shrugs, “you’re a little intimidating.”

“Me? How so?”

Kun thinks for a moment. “Well, you’re tall and good-looking and really polite. You host one of the most popular shows on the campus radio, you take good care of your friends, and everyone loves you.” His tone is very matter-of-fact, but Johnny can feel his face growing warm anyway. “You’re kind of untouchable.”

“Okay, um,” Johnny says, embarrassed. “Well, you know now that I’m not untouchable, right?” He musters his courage and takes Kun’s hand, twining their fingers together. “You can touch me all you want.”

Kun bites his lip, flushing violently. “That was really smooth. And dirtier than I was expecting.”

“Oh my god, that is _not_ what I meant,” Johnny says hurriedly. He pauses. “Unless you liked it.”

“I liked it, but let’s take it slow for now,” Kun says, his face still flaming red. “I’ve never been this close to your face before.”

“How’s the view, then?” Johnny smirks. “Better than Jay Chou?”

Kun groans, letting go of his hand to smack Johnny on the chest as he bursts out laughing.

“Sorry, sorry,” he says when he finally quiets again. “But can I trust you with a secret?”

“Of course,” Kun says, even though he still looks disgruntled.

Johnny smiles conspiratorially, “I’m actually really happy that the guy I fell in love with is my roommate’s cute friend.”

Kun’s smile right before he leans up to kiss him is, in Johnny’s opinion, one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen.

 

\--

 

_DanDan (5:45 pm): hey, can i trust you with a secret?_

_Johnny (5:47 pm): yeah, of course_

_DanDan (5:48 pm): i was really happy that the guy i fell in love with was my friend’s cute roommate_

_Johnny (5:49 pm): oh my god_

_DanDan (6:00 pm): ♡_

_Johnny (6:00 pm): ♡_

**Author's Note:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/puerhs) | [twt](https://twitter.com/puerhs) | [tumblr](https://heartsighcd.tumblr.com)


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